Shining Sheen - Half A Man

My life is over.  What am I going to do without Two and a Half Men?

From TMZ:

Suddenly it's looking like Charlie Sheen may not re-sign with "Two and a Half Men"  Several sources familiar with the situation say Sheen likes playing Charlie Harper but he's thinking about "the next thing" -- though no one would be specific.

Does anyone even watch Two and a Half Men?  A show hasn't sucked this hard since My Two Dads, which pretty much has the same premise, but with two guys way cooler than Charlie Sheen. 

Which one's Charlie??

Well, no wonder he's agreed to do this show all these slow painful years:

Charlie stands to make between $60 - $100 mil for the next two years ... depending on how the negotiations go.

Jesus, I guess you'd need to make that much to justify ruining an A-list acting career. 

I almost feel a little sympathy for his little incident in Aspen last year.  It's possible that he and his wife got into an argument over something and to come out on top, his wife went for the nuclear option and said something to the affect of, "Oh yeah, Charlie? Too bad your pathetic little show has worse ratings than Fox and Friends!"  And poor old Charlie just snapped and tried to kill her.  Seriously, what self-respecting individual wants to be compared negatively to Fox and Friends?

Oh, there it is.  Our real answer to why Charlie's leaving the show:

"Charlie is really into his sobriety now," one source said, adding, "He likes the show but it brings back bad memories."

Right, so he sobered up, watched a few episodes, and realized how much of a boob his character is.  This makes perfect sense to me - unlike this show lasting as many years as it has.

Disclaimer:  Apparently many people actually watch Two and a Half Men.  People that I do not socialize with.  Everything I've written about the domestic situation is pure speculation.  I've actually never watched a full episode of this television series.  As a professional cynic, all I need is five minutes to determine whether something is killing my brain cells.  Yeah, a guy named Charlie, played by Charlie Sheen, gets a lot of ladies - that's a stretch.