Laying An Egg

Parenting advice from Reuters Health:

Spanking your kid could hatch a bully
NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Punishing your toddler with a few swats on the rear may come back to bite you, a new report suggests.

According to the study, kids who were spanked often were twice as likely as those who weren't spanked to develop aggressive behaviors such as getting into fights, destroying things or being mean to others.

Oh.  My.  God.  I, was spanked as a child. 

Stay away from me!  I'm a monster just waiting to be "hatched" into a psychopathic, non-feeling and unsympathetic killer of all that is good and decent in the world.  I must go into hiding before my Jeckyll & Hide meets Incredible Hulk transformation ruins all that I've worked for in life.

I need to know more if I'm ever to concur this life-destroying affliction brought on by parental abuse.

Earlier research had produced similar results, but most had not taken into account how aggressive kids were to begin with, and other factors could have biased the results.

Although the new study doesn't prove that corporal punishment causes aggression by itself, it shows that the link remains even after excluding a broad range of possible explanations.

Seriously?  WTF?  I was about to stuff a duffel bag with Doritos, Vitamin Water, and leftover Taco Bell hot sauce packages and head for the mountains to find some deserted and decrepit cabin to live out the rest of my sorry life in isolation to avoid hurting the people I love.

Oh you mean to tell me that kids being spanked might already be aggressive?  Yeah, no shit.  Some kids are born assholes.  It takes a certain level of aggression to grab a chubby arm-load of your father's clothes and drag them outside, toss some starter fluid on them and set them ablaze. 

Although I have never attempted the above, I may or may not have tried to burn the house down at one point in my young life.  Also, to little Stevie, I apologize for punching you in the face when we were 3 - and after you brought me a gift - at my birthday party.

During both offenses, I tried to deflect punishment by out mad-dogging my ultra-aggressive father (Vietnam, special forces). 

He spanked the shit out of my ass - I think he might have even broken his hand. 

But I'll tell you one thing, I never tried to out-boss him again - ever.  I'm 32 years old and if I want to say no to even the most benign requests from him, I'll find a delicate way of doing it.

And this is their conclusion from this article???

Instead, many psychologists recommend time-outs and other types of non-physical punishment. If that doesn't work, Graham-Bermann said a parent might want to wait until his or her anger has blown over before talking to the child about the problem.

What a crock of shit.  Yes, I'm sure your 5 year-old will have a rewarding and enlightened discussion on the principles of right and wrong with you. 

"Children need guidance and discipline," said Taylor. "However, parents should focus on positive, non-physical forms of discipline and avoid the use of spanking."

I wonder if they mean like this: