Float Like A Butterfly

I think I may have found a new line of work - healthcare:

Bee sting therapy, which involves placing live bees on a patient's body at certain pressure points, dates back over 3,000 years in China and was considered legal in 2007.

It is similar to acupuncture in that it uses bees stingers instead of needles and the same principles, but the bees' toxin, which doctors say is a natural medicine, is essential, making the treatment like an injection.

Doctors at the Kang Tai Bee Clinic, a traditional Chinese medical facility in northeast Beijing, say the therapy has proved effective in curing diseases such as rheumatism and arthritis, as well as a list of other ailments.

You may be thinking, "You can't be serious Cynicus.  The passionate and progressive people of the United States would never accept this, the senseless death of thousands of precious and innocent insects just for the sake of temporarily subsiding our selfish pain.  Insects who pollinate our fruit crops nonetheless.  Save the Bees!" 

Yeah, you're right and I don't really want to keep 10,000 bees in my backyard.

You may then ask, "But Cynicus, what methods of pain-reduction will we deem socially acceptable?" 

One need not look farther than the latest action flick. 

"Pure, unadulterated, bone-on-bone violence?" you ask. 

Absolutely.   

As a certified Black Belt I am, with 100 percent certainty, certain I can replicate the healing effects of bee stings with precise and direct force.  I'll even undercut the Chinese by three bucks.

Some patients even travel long distances from remote areas of China to try out the unique treatment, which at around 120 yuan ($18), is much cheaper than most conventional medical treatments.

That's right.  For a mere $15 (soon to be worth even less if when the Chinese recall our loans) you too can say goodbye to your painful ailments.

"How does it work?"

Me:  Welcome to the Healing Butterfly Pain Treatment Center.  Where do you feel pain?

"Dr. Sarcasmos, the tendinitis in my knee is killing me."

Me:  Which knee?

"It's this . . ." CRACK (sound of knive-hand breaking the sound barrier and penetrating the muscle and tendon at the back of suspect knee)

Me:  How does your knee feel now?

"All I feel is the muscle-aching, tendon-slicing, and bone-crushing trauma of your epic blow, possible only by many years of training and bloodletting at the local Do-jang.  I'm cured!  Oh thank you Dr. Sarcasmos."

Me:  Exactly.  That'll be 100 yuan.   

With one simple entrepreneurial uppercut to Big Pharma, Big Insurance, and Big Government, I have single-handedly (or single-footedly - your preference) done more to reduce the costs of healthcare for the American people than the 2,000+ page bill that was passed by the House yesterday.