The AP cites snow as the main culprit in a half-million Americans filing new jobless claims last week.
Why are you snickering? This makes complete logical sense. Think about it:
A.) Wouldn't you, being the cowardly and selfish fat-cat boss we hear so much about in the news, rather "can" your no-good employees from the comforts of home than face their pathetic pleas for mercy as you send them packing in person? I know my preferred method is via email (it allows me time to wax poetic the number of ways they've failed my business - plus you can attach coupons to McDonald's; it's the right thing to do).
B.) Mother Earth is pissed. We've mocked her "cycles" for too long. Just to show us who's boss, she'll sacrifice a half-million of our livelihoods a week until we correct our erroneous ways: designer coffee, Smart Cars, and miniature dogs (Her logic here is impeccable: less jobs = less money = less of these items).
Fellow citizens of Earth, we have a choice to make. We can either abandon a few materialistic things to appease Mother, or we can continue to destroy our economy with winter storms. I know where I stand, do you?
OMG! Louis Vitton has their new line of handbags out that will be perfect for Poopi, my toy poodle! Screw it, I don't even live in the Northeast. Sorry Suckas!
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