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Disclaimer - This blog contains opinions basted with one or more of the following: logic, satire, irony, bitter thoughts, self-deprecation, and purely by accident, humor - and no, it's not in Latin.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Ureka!

According to a study done by scientists at the University of Liverpool, female mice are attracted to the urine of male mice.  The full article by Clara Moskowitz (pronounced MOUSE-Kowitz) can be found at LiveScience.com.  Here's an excerpt:


Hurst and colleagues studied more than 450 female house mice. The scientists exposed the mice to two urine scents – one from a male, and one from a female – and measured how long the females lingered near the smelly spot. In some trials, the mice were allowed to touch the scent mark, and in some cases only smell it.



"Contact with darcin consistently doubled the time spent near a male's scent," Hurst said. "Touching darcin with the nose also made females learn that particular male's odor, subsequently tripling the time spent near to the airborne scent of that individual male but showing no attraction to other males."
Analogous chemicals could be at work in human sexual attraction, too.

This is absolutely fascinating, but what exactly are we supposed to do with this new information?  I suppose this could be a major breakthrough for the relationship-challenged males out there.  They could mark their territory everywhere they go like a dog on a walk.  Instead of bushes, mailboxes, trees and fire hydrants, perhaps a little sprinkle on a bar stool or dancefloor would do the trick.  For the refined gentlemen looking for a good-girl, a dabble on the steps of the local library could bring about an abundance of seemingly random encounters at the study tables.

What am I saying?  Peeing in public is a ridiculous idea.  The more likely result of these research findings is that some slick marketers will pounce on the opportunity.  That's right.  They'll go out and find the alpha males of our society and bottle their potent love potion. 

Cologne is a big business.

"Cynicus, that's just as ridiculous.  No one's gonna spray urine on themselves."

Well not if you put it like that.  It's all about presentation.  Humans are suckers for a good pitch.  Read this list of potential products and tell me you can't see someone buying into it.  

COUNTDOWN!
The Top 7 New Brands of Cologne in 2011:

7.Ureka! by Brad Pitt

6. Piss Off by Colin Farrell

5. Freaky by Criss Angel

4. Swinger by Vince Vaughn

3. Pee Diddy by Sean Combs

2. Wonder Mist by John Mayer

And the number 1 top new Men's cologne to attract the ladies is . . .

1. Flow by 50 Cent

I'd include an Axe body spray product, but judging by the whorish attraction stunning females show towards the "every-day" guy in their commercials - that could elicit an allegation of false realism from Jenna Jameson - I'd say there's a good chance they're well ahead of the curve on this. 

Do you have any new cologne brand ideas?  Put'em in the comments!

3 comments:

  1. You're kidding about the Pee one, right? Oh, gosh.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The rest I can ALMOST believe. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Crimey,

    Me kid?? I was teetering between that and just P. Diddy, but obviously opted for the more boorish of the two.

    Thanks for the comments,

    -Matt

    ReplyDelete