Go Compound Sand

by Cynicus Sarcasmos - Staff Reporter

June 9 (CynicusNewsWire) - Today in economic news, the United States' national debt has been projected to hit $19.6 Trillion by 2015.  The country's debt was at $7.5 Trillion just last year.   

When an anonymous source close to the White House was asked to comment on the compounding figure he said, "Yes, this is all by design.  We're really doing our best to keep setting more records than the rising price of gold."

When informed that the national debt sets a new record every second, our source said, "Yes, well, we're very good at growing money.  Some of us have economic degrees from Harvard you know."

After having the fact pointed out that "debt" is the opposite of "growing money" the anonymous source was quoted as saying, "what, are you sure?" 

Yes, very much so. 

"Oh, [fudge]."

Yes, indeed, oh fudge. 

"Um, uh, don't worry.  We have it all under control.  We'll just print more money and, you know, uh, tax the shit out of business people.  To liberally quote our President, we'll 'kick some ass.'"

When offered that a reduction in government spending could play a major role in the overall solution, the White House source reportedly burst out in laughter which continued for several minutes until he fashioned a cigar out of one hundred dollar bills, lit it with a gold-plated zippo, smoked it, and then used the tip of his A. Testoni Italian leather shoe to crush the ashes out on the pavement.

"Don't be silly," the source said, the last wisp of green smoke drafting out through his stained front teeth.  "The people need us.  They'd starve without our generosity." 

Our confidential source was then picked up by a limo and dropped off at his office 15 feet down the street.

The American Diamondback was unavailable for comment, but his rattle could be heard echoing throughout the country.