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Friday, February 26, 2010

Gold Medal Celebrations

The Canadian Women's Hockey Team knows how to party.  After winning gold, they treated the frozen pond like the lastest VIP-only NYC novelty nightclub.  The only thing missing was Justin Timberlake.

The International Olympic Committee will investigate the actions of Canadian women's hockey players who celebrated their gold medal victory Thursday night by swigging beer and smoking cigars on the ice in Vancouver.

Gilbert Felli, the IOC's executive director of the Olympic Games, said that drinking in public was "not what we want to see" from athletes at an Olympic venue. The organization will investigate the actions and will speak with the international hockey federation and Canadian Olympic Committee and ask them to "act accordingly."

It's their home ice - let them do what they do.  For all we know they smoke stogies and kick back brewskies after every practice.   

I don't know about you, but I'd like to see this kind of revelling from the other winning athletes.  Imagine how liberating it would be to see equally awesome celebrations from the other competitions.  Scratch that, it's not fair that I ask you to strain yourself on a Friday; therefore, I've come up with another COUNTDOWN!

Top 5 Classic Winter Olympic Gold Medal Celebrations You Wish Happened:

5.  1980 Men's Hockey - The USA Hockey team's infamous gold-medal victory over Finland, which followed the victory over the USSR dubbed the "Miracle on Ice," led to an even more stunning miracle of a celebration.  That's right God's Son Himself made a brief appearance to don the shocked players with their well-earned gold medals and even stayed long enough for the singing of our national anthem.  USA team captain, Mike Eruzione, was quoted post-game as saying, "I can't believe it.  I prayed for Him to be with us, but I never actually thought he'd make it to the rink.  You know, with the traffic and all.  It's a Miracle on Ice." 

4.  2002 Men's Speed Skating - After Apollo Ohno falls, Stephen Bradbury wins Australia's first Winter Olympic gold medal.  Within seconds, a crew of Australian lifeguards sporting speedos assist Bradbury in spreading 12,000 pounds of sand out onto the ice, building and firing up a "Barbie" pit - sponsored by Outback - on which a variety of native fish and steaks are grilled, and tapping into 13 kegs of that elusive gold medal beer - Fosters.  The party ended just in time for the Turino games in '06.

3.  1994 Women's Figure Skating - Defeating Nancy Kerrigan for the gold, Ukrainian Oksana Baiul grabs a bouquet of flowers from an adoring fan and clubs Nancy Kerrigan's good leg.  Although no physical damage was afflicted, the psychological affect on Ms. Kerrigan was undeniable as tears streamed several layers of makeup down her face.  Amongst the tears, she could be seen mouthing "why, why."  Oksana went on to do a traditional Ukrainian Folk Dance for the crowd, gracefully slicing-up Kerrigan's frozen tears.   

2. 1998 Men's Skating - Upon capturing the gold, Brian Boitano (from South Park fame) called the whole Jamaican bobsled team (Cool Runnings, mon) out on the ice to celebrate.  Although the Jamaicans did not medal - hell they didn't even finish - they were well-prepared to celebrate.  That's right, they converted their bobsled into the world's fastest bong.  What did Brian Boitano do?  He took a lung full a la Michael Phelps-style and blew out the ganj smoke in shapes of perfectly-formed hearts. 

And the number 1 Classic Winter Olympic Fictionary Gold Medal Celebration . . .


1.  1936 (Germany) Men's Alpine Combined  - At the bottom of the ski slope, upon completion of his gold medal winning run, Christl Cranz reached into his jacket, pulled out a ruger, faced the fuhrer and said, "Hitler, sind Sie ein douchebag."  Cranz then took aim, pulled the trigger and saved the world a bit of grief.


Pictures of each event above can be found here.
UPDATE: Corrections were made to #5; USA defeated Finland for the gold.

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